Raising A Dream -- -/\-

                    When your struggling to survive. To maintain a home. A roof above your head. Trying to make a life in this world, from the shattered existence left by a life lost and squandered upon the fields...

                    What's the worst thing you can possibly do?
            THE ABSOLUTE WORST...?

                                                                          - Include Family. 

. . . but a loving and dear friend can always bring you back... to a better place:

And then you get the best kind of advice that anyone can receive. 💓💕

A lot of toil goes into a garden before the vegetables are ready to be picked. You can fantasize about how nice it would be to zip right past all the groundwork, drudgery, and patience that is essential for turning a good idea into an awesome reality. - At some point, you need to break from such reveries and get to work if you are going to make your harvest happen. The power is in your hands to raise the crop of your dreams.

~ CLynn✌

= = = Taking The Road Less Traveled, Leads to Greener Pastures. . . .

                       Call me crazy...
                                                         but I find, the more I write...
                             That THIS IS MY TRUE AND TRUEST CALLING!!

 + = + T O  WRITE + = +

And the more I write. . . the more I feel I am being shown the world!

If that sounds crazy to you... then it is ever more clear to me...

I AM A WRITER!

Heart & Soul!!!

Forever to tell, the stories of a strange and distant soul...

To every adventure... and every journey...

💘 May they never come to an end. 💘

∞~ CLynn ~∞

Remember When. . .

Do you remember when. . . .

when you were younger,

and you worked to put up fencing on 4 acres of land with your dad and sibling?

Do you remember helping to drive in the fence posts and nail the barbed wire to them?

What about the time you helped your dad and his friends to tear off old roof shingles and pull nails to carry heavy bundles of them up a latter, and then using a hammer and nails to re-shingle the roof?

Wearing steel toed shoes, and getting up well before the sun rose so as to beat the Texas heat...

and navigating a regular two story house from the rooftop...

Do ye remember that?

What about the time you helped them to clear the brush from off of someone's land?

While your father and friend took a chainsaw to the larger limbs.

Wearing long arse jeans in the Texas heat. And heavy duty gloves to protect your hands. . .

No?

Oh... that's right...

That's because that wasn't you.

That was me.

You should never judge someone... cause in truth... you have no idea what they've done in the past...

            And unless you've walked a mile in their shoes, . . .
                                 you can't imagine what it's like to be them.

~ CLynn 💪👩

-- *Pinch Me - We're Doomed* --

I wrote these a little while ago... but I feel them now... and each day which carries a heavy burden...

When I was a kid…

                I used to have nightmares about being trapped in my dreams. Like someone who is in a coma. Only . . . I knew I was trapped within a dream. And in the dream, I would have dreams. But… every time that I would wake up, it was to the horror, that I was still dreaming!! Still trapped within this dream world! And THAT for me…

                   Was a nightmare!

               Now, it seems… I would give anything to dream. To sleep. But I am trapped within this waking dream. This never-ending state of being awake, and not being able to sleep. But still feeling lucid. I would relish the thought of being trapped within a dream now. Ironic really.

               Being awake has become my new nightmare…

Feelings,

Emotions,

Come pouring in like a deluge. Filling up my mind like a swarm engulfing me in it’s chaos.

               Amidst the swirling, I do sway. Two and -fro like a sailor upon a ship at sea. Only the waters of life have taken quite a tumultuous turn. And within the raging storm, I cannot see.

               I was searching for this signal. Hoping for a sign…

                              And scanning the horizons… like someone desperate to find.

               The land. The land. How our desperation grows.

               We need to find the shore, or forever meet our doom.

                              There upon the waters, we swim the highs and lows.

               The body aches, the night sweats, the daytime sleeping troughs.

                              The insomnia,

                              The anxiety,

                              The ever growing needs.

              

               We hesitate, each plan we make… hoping only to succeed.

               Why can’t I just concentrate?

                              Sing the voices in my head…

                                             I need to focus on these things. Or I will end up dead.

               But every now and then he calls.

                              And distractions further tease.

                                             What’s wrong with you?

                              I’m sure I know. But I’m hoping not to see.

                                             I need to go, to get it done. So much to do, I need to run. I’m at a crossroads, I’m on a galley… the storm is growing… we could lose the ship!

               Do you see the dangers here? The panic in these eyes?

                              The worries building… and the fears?

                                            

               Everything, building up behind?

                             

                              My head is aching with all these things. I can no longer hold the reigns. The bilge is overflowing now, the lower decks are filled!

               The crew is in a panic. The captain has been lost. Perhaps the entire ship is, what a thought she has.

                              This is how it feels, when one hand of fate, is dragging you beneath the depths.

               And another one, is pulling up, your very limbs to wrend!

                              The rain is barring all you see. And darkness, mist which clouds your eyes. You fight out through the raging wind and rain. But battling the waves is one thing.

               Battling your dreams is another.

               And your feelings still another…

                                             The chaos which now fills your soul. Does keep you on your toes.

               But also causes your head to swirl, amid the fleeting pause.

                              No brief respite can cure us all.

                                             No sunlight through the blackest clouds.

                              There is not light upon the sea, when the storm is beating against thee.

               Only the rain, and only the winds. Will water surround us, until we are drowned?

                              But for the swimming of our heads. The swirling chaos, bends.

                                             Tell me what to do…

                                                               Please!

                                                     And leave me be!

                              But do not torment me until it’s done. I haven’t time to, I’ve got to run.

               I’m later now, then I was before. I’m burning up, worse than a sore.

                              Your making worse, what never was. I assure you, I was.

                                             Keep on pricking, keep on scratching… and your sure to never let it heal.

              

               You’ll make it worse… make worse and worse… until you make me bleed.

                              Won’t you leave? And let me heal?

               Won’t you leave the scene?

                                                                                          You’ve broken this, and it never was. It’s becoming a serious thing. Your burning scars into the skin. And killing what’s within.

                              Her joy is lost.

                                             His spirit cost.

               The emptiness within…

                                             Is becoming this, this vastest sea….

                                                            of watery graves we dig.

I close my eyes and start to dream…

               Visions of this great bird falling… a colorful plume of feathered wings outstretched. Like taking air mid-flight. It’s talons reaching ever downward.  As if to reach for some poor soul. And a light that cascades around them. Like a beam from heaven reaching downward. Soaking in this… like heaven’s last light. I see this… and I gape in wonder… but only for a moment… slumber.

               And when I have awakened from this dream. Do wonder what it means.

               Such travesty, since it is just a dream. And nothing more. So it should be dismissed. Another lesson in life we learn. To forget the things that come to us. In lucid moments when we are writhing in despair. So should we, leave this,… not much is fair.

               And life’s fairest articles, must also die with us. That there may never be…

               Such beauty.


                                                                                              ~CLynn💧

-- The Writer's Group -- :D

Heya fellow bloggers,
       
                I know it's been a while. I haven't made a post in ages it seems like. That's because I've been forced to undergo the same bull* that housing forces me to do... every freaking year!
               
         I wasn't going to share this... ever... because of last year being... soo bad...

        But most of what you see in the video was from being sick and suffering with my depression over having to do this every year...

                    Normally not this bad... But still... to give you an idea... just an idea of what I go through every year.
                     Trying to make this place look like no one has lived here. A year's worth of living... cleaned up in a matter of days. Or a single night...

          Despite the fact that I do. . .

But, thankfully it's over once again...

And HOPE lingers upon the horizon.

Though, not the largest rays, I'd say...

It still looms.

This past Sunday, was a wonderfully relaxing, and peaceful getaway from the nightmare that has been my life lately...

The Writer's Group (the local writers club)

Has surely lifted up my spirits on the basis of a wondrous hope!

                          At this meeting... I successfully sold 2 more copies of my new book!

😂🙏🙌
                                   And had many more show interest in purchasing it. -*.*-

                  Besides this,. . . the local book store owner said he would be more than happy to sell my book in his store. With a mercantile discount on each printed copy of course. But still... it's a start.

            And I just know that once my book get's out there, it will drive a real hit to those like me.
Who favor a really good book. ^_~*.

             Even more. . . this group... which meets freely for all new and interested authors and the like,... on the second Sunday of each month...
                      has more than it's hand-full/share of resources in not only publishing our works. But getting them out there! For all to see!
              I have been invited to do a book signing at this local bookstore. The humble owner of the shop,
               a Mr. Hart,
                                       is fabled to cause quite a stir about town, during an author's book signing.
           Besides it bringing in more business for him, it also allows up 'n coming local authors like me-self the opportunity to be discovered and become known!

                                So... the possibilities at this point are endless!

           At each meeting, we discuss our works. How we are doing with them... inspirations, and even writing prompts! Which enable us to exercise our own creative writing muscles!!

           I'm super excited!!!
                            And equally as blessed!
                                               To have found such a wonderful group!

             A group that can only aid me in my journey of becoming a world renowned, maybe even award winning author... like the greats which came before me. 💓💕💖

 -    J.R.R. Tolkein   "The Lord of The Rings"


                                                                                       ~ CLynn

+- - The Windmill Song - -+

. . . . I have been having a lot of trouble lately concentrating on my school work. Been feeling… lonely and distant in thought. I don’t want to be around other people though. I’m sure it’s just my hormones.

               I have urges and dreams…

That are always pretty bad.

               But it’s not the sort of thing, you can just ignore forever, and hope it goes away.

That need for it,

               Will always be there. Unless of course I hit a certain…

I have a feeling…

                              But it’s not a good one.

               Anyways, besides that…

                              The medication… for anxiety, allergies (which is surprisingly working), ulcers, and antibiotics (I was running a fever the doctor said), has made me like… sleepy all the time. And also,… spacey.

               I mean, I feel good. Relaxed. And kind of happy as long as people leave me be.

But. . .

               Still lonely somehow.

Needs… something….

               Is it bad to have the urge to want to take off all your clothes and just lie out in the sun?

I’m pretty sure it is.

               Which is why I’d never do it.

                              But… what a crazy urge!

               To go nude of all things!!

               But it’s all making it soo hard for me to concentrate on my school work.

I WANT TO CREATE!

               I WANT TO INVENT!!

NOT sit behind a desk all day managing user active directories on a server…

                So of course, it’s hard to concentrate.

                              During those long course lectures/videos.

I just want to be free!!!

               To live and create!

                              In a world full of endless possibilities!

               And dreams!!

               Is that selfish?

Is it wrong?

               These urges?

These desires?

               These…

                              Dreams….

~ 5/26/2019

   

     

   

- CLynn

-()- Trials by Fire -()-

                               It's funny. How no one ever sees the harder times. When you struggle to pull yourself through. And scrape and scrounge to achieve the seemingly impossible.

           Once more the time has come...
                                The earth has passed around the sun...
           And the paperwork has begun...
                                             the start of my usual summer hell.

While most people are enjoying the summer...
               Hanging out at the pool.
               The beach. Enjoying the waves and the sand.
                Vacations.
                Playgrounds.
                Fair grounds.
                Nature...

                                             I'm slaving over a hot stove... doing dishes for every time I need to eat... and the endless waves of laundry that inhibit your senses some days. I shouldn't complain, I suppose. But if I didn't, I would die screaming!
           I just get tired of spending all my time working on these things...
                       and struggling to find the extra time to get the school work done. Which keeps getting more and more difficult. Especially as I near the finish line...

            But.... then....
                             this is MY HELL. My personal purgatory...
              the specially made madness designed solely for me.
                                     
And in some ways...
               it's well deserved. And could be worse, I have to keep saying to myself.

But it also sometimes... (when my depression and the hormones get the better of me...) leads to . . . .:

                    especially right now... with my main PC acting up... >_<#

         Between that and the school work... the strain of gathering the proper documents and striving to keep my place clean... as well as stay ahead of the depression... sometimes by the end of the week... like at the end of Saturday night... I rather feel like:

                      So... here I go again...

                                                                      ~ CLynn😵

Cut, Peel, and Heal

I don’t need your permission to be sad.

Some days it has to be.

In pain we bring forth life.

In agony,

We feel.

Alone thee,

I will wait for ye.

But solemnly be sealed.

Without the comfort,

Of a warm soul.

The sorrow will devour whole.

So I will wait patiently for one.

Who sees and understands me.

That this must be.

Though not my doing.

That forced into a corner,

Room in.

Due to the world that does surround us.

Forcing us to be.

Making us into something else.

When I just can’t be me.

I’ll wait in the sorrow.

In the darkness of my embittered soul.

tHis towering figure of a man.

Black as night.

And entrenched within.

Like a vampire with no reflection.

His arms surround you within the gloom.

And amid the blackness,

I’ll seize this warmth.

Amid the bright full moon.

And swoon within a mystery.

A beautiful darkness,

Beneath.

 

Feel,

And heal.

And return in strength.

To fight those who would steal.

Our joy.

~   3/8/19

~ CLynn

Just Keep Telling Yourself. . . keep telling yourself... {insert POEM here}

You’ve got to stay focused,

Stay away from the past.

If you stop and stare for too long,

You might stray from the path.

To keep up your head,

There’s a lesson you’ll find.

To work with your hands,

Remain ever divine.

But thoughts that do wander,

Will lead one astray.

Thoughts of what could have,

Thoughts of what came.

But the future is bright now,

If you keep it in mind.

And ahead is the light.

Mustn’t look at the darkness behind.

Keep your head up,

Keep your eyes on the workings.

Don’t see anyone else.

Unless they are a part of the grand scheme.

Climb up the mountain,

But never look down.

Toe to toe,

On the ice.

But leave fear on the ground.

Hover with the wind,

And don’t fear the fall.

Break all the binds,

But don’t stop to ensure that you can.

Grab hold of the night,

Take flight,

Seize the day!

Hammer at something,

Be it mortar or clay…

Put metal to steel,

And the sand to the sheaves.

Thread the needle of doubt,

With the spindles of surety.

Master the plans,

Of a thousand Master’s Plans.

And when you feel tired,

And weary from effort,

You can rest in assurance,

You’ve done all you could labor.

Though,

You may not yet see it.

The end is in sight.

The vision of what you perceive to be right.

A design in production.

A lesson in creation.

A masterpiece,

For every hard-working nation.

Just a piece of the peace,

That will one day control.

Operating to produce,

A new world.

*  -CLynn  *

~ { 1/26/19 }