My Pregnancy: Week 16 Day 2

                    Ok... So I started this post on Week 15... but unfortunately lost it due to a slight internet browser error. (or so I believe. f-n technology). But I will try to reiterate what was written in that one. (-_-')

                   To begin with, NO I DO NOT YET KNOW THE GENDER! We won't know until after I see the Gyn/OB by week 18!  So no need to ask meh. I really don't know. My best guess would be... girl. Based on a magic eight ball that also predicted the pregnancy. 😕 Seriously! Otherwise, there are conflicting wives' tales. It's a girl... no... it's a boy because of this... or possibly a girl due to that... No one really knows for sure. So we will ALL be surprised to finally find out. 😆


                  Nextly, I have to say it's been an extremely difficult time for me. I'm upset to say the least of it. This is because I was told the second Trimester was supposedly the "Happy Trimester"   *air quotes*

                           Pffffffffffft...

                  Let me tell you how,... HAPPY... it's been...

                          Since the start of Trimester 2, I have experienced the following symptoms:

                Nausea          

Yup. Despite the lessening of nausea from the first Tri, I still get the symptom every once in a while. Sometimes due to forgetting to take a certain medication. Or so I believe. But been eating almost as often as I pee, which has helped in this area immensely. So... not as bad. But still there.

Constant Urination!

                                                  

Yup. I even get up several times a night because I have to pee. Which is usually followed by hunger again. So I get up, pee, and eat, and then try to return to sleep. But only for another 2 hours before my bladder wakes me up again. I'd drink less water at night... but I always get nauseous if I don't drink enough of the stuff. Same as eating I suppose. Sigh*

TRUE STORY ---^

And Clearly... the worst one of all of them lately... has been. . .

                         F A T I G U E !!

                                                                         

I have had the worst time with finding the energy to do just about anything! I know partially its in due to not being able to work out as much. But I'm sure with the move we are planning soon, I should get plenty of it. And besides which I hope to also start a pre-natal excercise routine after it. So hopefully that will also help.

But besides the neverending paperwork, from new rental applications, to food stamp forms needing to be re-completed due to changes in my current situation, and filing my taxes... Planning this move, handling month to month finances, and trying to remain in good health, I barely have time to breathe these days. Let alone relax. But am determined to do so, since insomnia seems ever to loom just right around the corner. . .

I'm pretty sure, I've experienced ALL of the pregnancy symptoms, I'm mentioning here and in the memes as well.

I've been lucky, though. The one thing I can still seem to accomplish in spite of the constant fatigue etc. ...

CROCHET

These are my Baby Bear Beanies ------>

 Handmade with Xtra Love. 💗💟

So at least despite not being able to keep up with the household chores like I wish I could,  -_-'   I'm at least not completely and totally useless... (or at least feeling like I am. 😔)

Anyway, I've also experienced another unexpected and unprecedented symptom to this entire mess...

I call it...

Snippyness  -(i.e. just another word for total Bitch-ing-ton)

But I guess the thing that has really pissed me off the most durring all this, was the insatiable and incredibly inumerable amount of lies I'm being told about being pregnant! (ok, so I exxagerate this, but it's frustrating)

According to What to Expect.com (www.whattoexpect.com)

the second Trimester is said to be the happiest. (as well as the women from the WIC office and others). And I just love how at the end of some of their videos they say things like:   ". . . And don't forget to enjoy your pregnancy!"

😕  REALLY!!?!?  😕

seriously!

But along with the snippityness... I've found sometimes sadness will hit me like a bullet train on a runaway downhill mudslide of metal and debris!

So the rollercoaster of emotions has been a real picnic of a ride as well.

And yet... in spite of it all,... My boy has been with me through the good and the bad.

Helping out with the chores as much as possible... even on top of already working a full-time job and getting paid well for it. So I gotta give the guy his props. He puts up with my snippyness on a daily basis. And still treats me like a queen. 😭🙌🙌🙌🙏👸🙇

MAD RESPECTS. I luv that guy. 💘

In spite of all of my difficulties in all this, I find that I have to constantly remind myself...

It will all be worth it... In the end.

~ CLynn

My Pregnancy: Week 11 Day 5

                                So far it's been a pretty rough road. As I'm sure it always is for new mothers. But I am constantly finding I need to remind myself that it will all be worth it in the end.
                           I've wanted a family of my own for quite some time now. Esp. as I am getting on in years. I know 33 isn't old, but when you have a biological clock forever counting down, it seems that the desire to not become an old maid is emphasized.

              That said, I have been both elated to finally be able to start this...

               However, I've learned that the burdens of motherhood, are . . . well... not as easy-breezy as most women will lead you to believe...

                And for those of my friends who are interested in how I've been doing, I've decided to try and start this pregnancy diary for my blog.

Day 5 - Week 11:
                                         The nausea has lessened. As I near the end of the first trimester. I'm grateful to have made it through what they call the roughest part. I've been told by a nutritionist that the second trimester is supposed to be the "Happy Trimester".
               I hope that's true.
                                    Since it's start, I've had the WORST Nausea I've ever had my entire life! I've had moments where I thought for sure, my food would come up. And sometimes it seemed to be triggered by something as simple as a smell!
                 Luckily I have NOT as of yet thrown up. Whenever the nausea has hit, I have been able to mitigate it. Using ginger. My wonderfully supportive partner in crime will make me a lovely hot cup of Ginger Tea with honey. Which has helped the nausea immensely. And he's taking special care to keep our fridge freshly stocked with Ginger Ale. -^.^-
         I'm soo lucky to have found such a wonderful man. 💕

                        The Ginger Tea, and Ginger Ale, has been a LIFESAVER. When it comes to the extreme nausea I've been experiencing.

                       

This illustration is soo tru ---/^

I've had the Naseua and the pain in my boobs, (which seemed to have ballooned).

Not to mention...

FATIGUE!

I should have been warned about the fatigue! Because it seems to have hit me like a freight train! I'm literally tired like ALL THE TIME!!

It's been relentless!

The only thing that has helped with it?

Vitamins!!!

B12 is my new best friend.

And without those prenatals, I would be forced to sleep ALL FREIKEN DAY!!!

SERIOUSLY!

I'm like a chronically exhausted Cow, without them!

I'm pretty sure what it is (scientifically speaking 👓👔) is that without the added nutrients, the baby is taking ALL of the precious nutrients from me, this results in my nutrients being greatly taxed and leaving me with none to allow my body to function efficiently thereby leaving me with NO ENERGY whatsoever!

So... yeah....

💊💊   VITAMINS!!   💊💊

But like I said, the nausea seems to have calmed down. And now as long as I am gulping down the B12s, the Prenatals, and the rest of my Vital Vitamins, I am finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.

I only hope, that the next Tri, will be easier than this one. Like that nutritionist said.

Happy. 😕

Poor Bubelleh... He misses the spooning. 😓

~ CLynn  🐄

Raising A Dream -- -/\-

                    When your struggling to survive. To maintain a home. A roof above your head. Trying to make a life in this world, from the shattered existence left by a life lost and squandered upon the fields...

                    What's the worst thing you can possibly do?
            THE ABSOLUTE WORST...?

                                                                          - Include Family. 

. . . but a loving and dear friend can always bring you back... to a better place:

And then you get the best kind of advice that anyone can receive. 💓💕

A lot of toil goes into a garden before the vegetables are ready to be picked. You can fantasize about how nice it would be to zip right past all the groundwork, drudgery, and patience that is essential for turning a good idea into an awesome reality. - At some point, you need to break from such reveries and get to work if you are going to make your harvest happen. The power is in your hands to raise the crop of your dreams.

~ CLynn✌

= = = Taking The Road Less Traveled, Leads to Greener Pastures. . . .

                       Call me crazy...
                                                         but I find, the more I write...
                             That THIS IS MY TRUE AND TRUEST CALLING!!

 + = + T O  WRITE + = +

And the more I write. . . the more I feel I am being shown the world!

If that sounds crazy to you... then it is ever more clear to me...

I AM A WRITER!

Heart & Soul!!!

Forever to tell, the stories of a strange and distant soul...

To every adventure... and every journey...

💘 May they never come to an end. 💘

∞~ CLynn ~∞

Remember When. . .

Do you remember when. . . .

when you were younger,

and you worked to put up fencing on 4 acres of land with your dad and sibling?

Do you remember helping to drive in the fence posts and nail the barbed wire to them?

What about the time you helped your dad and his friends to tear off old roof shingles and pull nails to carry heavy bundles of them up a latter, and then using a hammer and nails to re-shingle the roof?

Wearing steel toed shoes, and getting up well before the sun rose so as to beat the Texas heat...

and navigating a regular two story house from the rooftop...

Do ye remember that?

What about the time you helped them to clear the brush from off of someone's land?

While your father and friend took a chainsaw to the larger limbs.

Wearing long arse jeans in the Texas heat. And heavy duty gloves to protect your hands. . .

No?

Oh... that's right...

That's because that wasn't you.

That was me.

You should never judge someone... cause in truth... you have no idea what they've done in the past...

            And unless you've walked a mile in their shoes, . . .
                                 you can't imagine what it's like to be them.

~ CLynn 💪👩

-- *Pinch Me - We're Doomed* --

I wrote these a little while ago... but I feel them now... and each day which carries a heavy burden...

When I was a kid…

                I used to have nightmares about being trapped in my dreams. Like someone who is in a coma. Only . . . I knew I was trapped within a dream. And in the dream, I would have dreams. But… every time that I would wake up, it was to the horror, that I was still dreaming!! Still trapped within this dream world! And THAT for me…

                   Was a nightmare!

               Now, it seems… I would give anything to dream. To sleep. But I am trapped within this waking dream. This never-ending state of being awake, and not being able to sleep. But still feeling lucid. I would relish the thought of being trapped within a dream now. Ironic really.

               Being awake has become my new nightmare…

Feelings,

Emotions,

Come pouring in like a deluge. Filling up my mind like a swarm engulfing me in it’s chaos.

               Amidst the swirling, I do sway. Two and -fro like a sailor upon a ship at sea. Only the waters of life have taken quite a tumultuous turn. And within the raging storm, I cannot see.

               I was searching for this signal. Hoping for a sign…

                              And scanning the horizons… like someone desperate to find.

               The land. The land. How our desperation grows.

               We need to find the shore, or forever meet our doom.

                              There upon the waters, we swim the highs and lows.

               The body aches, the night sweats, the daytime sleeping troughs.

                              The insomnia,

                              The anxiety,

                              The ever growing needs.

              

               We hesitate, each plan we make… hoping only to succeed.

               Why can’t I just concentrate?

                              Sing the voices in my head…

                                             I need to focus on these things. Or I will end up dead.

               But every now and then he calls.

                              And distractions further tease.

                                             What’s wrong with you?

                              I’m sure I know. But I’m hoping not to see.

                                             I need to go, to get it done. So much to do, I need to run. I’m at a crossroads, I’m on a galley… the storm is growing… we could lose the ship!

               Do you see the dangers here? The panic in these eyes?

                              The worries building… and the fears?

                                            

               Everything, building up behind?

                             

                              My head is aching with all these things. I can no longer hold the reigns. The bilge is overflowing now, the lower decks are filled!

               The crew is in a panic. The captain has been lost. Perhaps the entire ship is, what a thought she has.

                              This is how it feels, when one hand of fate, is dragging you beneath the depths.

               And another one, is pulling up, your very limbs to wrend!

                              The rain is barring all you see. And darkness, mist which clouds your eyes. You fight out through the raging wind and rain. But battling the waves is one thing.

               Battling your dreams is another.

               And your feelings still another…

                                             The chaos which now fills your soul. Does keep you on your toes.

               But also causes your head to swirl, amid the fleeting pause.

                              No brief respite can cure us all.

                                             No sunlight through the blackest clouds.

                              There is not light upon the sea, when the storm is beating against thee.

               Only the rain, and only the winds. Will water surround us, until we are drowned?

                              But for the swimming of our heads. The swirling chaos, bends.

                                             Tell me what to do…

                                                               Please!

                                                     And leave me be!

                              But do not torment me until it’s done. I haven’t time to, I’ve got to run.

               I’m later now, then I was before. I’m burning up, worse than a sore.

                              Your making worse, what never was. I assure you, I was.

                                             Keep on pricking, keep on scratching… and your sure to never let it heal.

              

               You’ll make it worse… make worse and worse… until you make me bleed.

                              Won’t you leave? And let me heal?

               Won’t you leave the scene?

                                                                                          You’ve broken this, and it never was. It’s becoming a serious thing. Your burning scars into the skin. And killing what’s within.

                              Her joy is lost.

                                             His spirit cost.

               The emptiness within…

                                             Is becoming this, this vastest sea….

                                                            of watery graves we dig.

I close my eyes and start to dream…

               Visions of this great bird falling… a colorful plume of feathered wings outstretched. Like taking air mid-flight. It’s talons reaching ever downward.  As if to reach for some poor soul. And a light that cascades around them. Like a beam from heaven reaching downward. Soaking in this… like heaven’s last light. I see this… and I gape in wonder… but only for a moment… slumber.

               And when I have awakened from this dream. Do wonder what it means.

               Such travesty, since it is just a dream. And nothing more. So it should be dismissed. Another lesson in life we learn. To forget the things that come to us. In lucid moments when we are writhing in despair. So should we, leave this,… not much is fair.

               And life’s fairest articles, must also die with us. That there may never be…

               Such beauty.


                                                                                              ~CLynn💧

-- The Writer's Group -- :D

Heya fellow bloggers,
       
                I know it's been a while. I haven't made a post in ages it seems like. That's because I've been forced to undergo the same bull* that housing forces me to do... every freaking year!
               
         I wasn't going to share this... ever... because of last year being... soo bad...

        But most of what you see in the video was from being sick and suffering with my depression over having to do this every year...

                    Normally not this bad... But still... to give you an idea... just an idea of what I go through every year.
                     Trying to make this place look like no one has lived here. A year's worth of living... cleaned up in a matter of days. Or a single night...

          Despite the fact that I do. . .

But, thankfully it's over once again...

And HOPE lingers upon the horizon.

Though, not the largest rays, I'd say...

It still looms.

This past Sunday, was a wonderfully relaxing, and peaceful getaway from the nightmare that has been my life lately...

The Writer's Group (the local writers club)

Has surely lifted up my spirits on the basis of a wondrous hope!

                          At this meeting... I successfully sold 2 more copies of my new book!

😂🙏🙌
                                   And had many more show interest in purchasing it. -*.*-

                  Besides this,. . . the local book store owner said he would be more than happy to sell my book in his store. With a mercantile discount on each printed copy of course. But still... it's a start.

            And I just know that once my book get's out there, it will drive a real hit to those like me.
Who favor a really good book. ^_~*.

             Even more. . . this group... which meets freely for all new and interested authors and the like,... on the second Sunday of each month...
                      has more than it's hand-full/share of resources in not only publishing our works. But getting them out there! For all to see!
              I have been invited to do a book signing at this local bookstore. The humble owner of the shop,
               a Mr. Hart,
                                       is fabled to cause quite a stir about town, during an author's book signing.
           Besides it bringing in more business for him, it also allows up 'n coming local authors like me-self the opportunity to be discovered and become known!

                                So... the possibilities at this point are endless!

           At each meeting, we discuss our works. How we are doing with them... inspirations, and even writing prompts! Which enable us to exercise our own creative writing muscles!!

           I'm super excited!!!
                            And equally as blessed!
                                               To have found such a wonderful group!

             A group that can only aid me in my journey of becoming a world renowned, maybe even award winning author... like the greats which came before me. 💓💕💖

 -    J.R.R. Tolkein   "The Lord of The Rings"


                                                                                       ~ CLynn