TiReD

                      So how long can a person continue to push themselves?

               I've been struggling with this thought now...    I slept most of the day again, because I stayed up late the night before baking and researching... My head is aching now...
                 And late... I take my medication...
             Late...

                             But I'm beginning to feel like, I am dragging this useless sack of dead weight around to get things done...
               What if I can't... I can't do this?
                                                 I can't go to school and... work... and maintain a relationship like this... . . . . and I'm losing my grip...
                I can feel this heavy load upon me... breaking me down... how much longer can you walk along a desert without any water?

                                    My world... God Bless This Mess... Lord Knows, We've tried Our Best, With something we can do...
                   But it just gets worse everyday... And I can't catch up. I can never catch up. Because I'm always tired. From studying, from work, from sickness...

                               Some days...
                 I just want to throw up my hands!
                                 Be done!
                                                       Be done....
                   God let this end, I need releif! I need some fun. I need to breathe! Please. Can I just breathe wihtout my chest weighing like a million pounds...

             And this...
                                      This writing helps... helps me to feel free... even temporarily... Get those feelings out. Express truly how you are feeling...

                     Exhausted...
                                                        And yet I do nothing!
Seems like.

                                 In my dreams... I am haunted by people telling me I'm lazy. That I sleep too much... God I'm soo tired!
                          Why am I soo tired!?
              Please... please... just let me rest... just let me be... a minute more.... until my head returns to normal view.
                                     And the work becomes not so hard to do...

                  But I know I am only fooling myself.
                                          And so I begin to hate... and the nightmares that never cease. Overtake me in my dreams!
                                    Causing me to wish I could just die!

               Believe what you will believe, and trust what you feel to be a lie.
                                     But judge no one!!

                 And don't EVER tell them they are lazy... even if they are...
                                           Don't ever... ever... push them back into their tombs.

               Because... there is always more to this iceberg... then meets the eye.

 

~ CLynn