Part IV
It’s
almost interesting. That the things most people take for granted, are the
things that seem the hardest for me to handle.
It took
me all week, just to get this far… because I don’t have anyone there to do the
work for me, while I devote my life to studying the arts.
Everyone
has the labs done. They want to be their own damn teachers. They’ve completed
the exams and taken the certifications. Earning high marks for every course
they take. And sacrificing a social life in the process to do it.
It’s unfortunate,
that besides not having a social life, I also have no time for myself. I push
myself, always… until I break down inside. And then I turn to my only vices for
relief. A crimson smile, a sweet delight, a hack and a slash with all of your
might.
And each
dragon she bestses, which falls to the earth, like a tree in a forest… gives me
another five days… of relief from the curse.
Now
there are many who will fail to understand such things… but then there are
those, to whom it is… crystal clear… what I’m saying here.
To them,
I have only to say, …
“I will
NEVER give up. Not one day!”
Even if I
should fail… I must not give up! Because to give up, would be the same as
taking a step towards failure. Or deliberately trying to screw up. How could a
person live with themselves? Knowing that they were the one who pressed the
button…? That dropped the bombs… That left the tiny babies below gasping for
air, until their last precious breath…
. . .
I cringe upon the thoughts, that
those people should go on living with us…
And all
the while not realizing the horrors they have inflicted upon God’s dearest of
creation.
But
again… that is just the weight of the world.
And
while they gloat over their impressive scores, and self-astonishing wins! The rest of the world is busy… picking up the
shattered remains and struggling to find the strength within themselves… to
continue on in spite of themselves.
Their expressions
on the day of judgement, will be what I will most readily look forward to… More
than anything really…
To see
them gawk in amazement… when God damns them to hell over all of this…
--
Honestly…
what is it that I am doing wrong?
He’s TIRED
again… she is too. But only of this struggle back and forth…
She’s
keeping a record… of all of the hardships. Counting the tears, you might say.
To ask these back from God someday.
How many
innocent lives must be lost? Before you change these wicked ways?
I work
really hard. So hard, I gave up praying, so I could have more time to get the
work done, that I needed to. What’s the use… he never listens to me anyway…
And
still I find I’m falling behind.
Everyone
has got something done…
But I
have nothing to show for all of my hard work.
They say
to me… inside, “They are getting their just desserts. Even now… They lived so
fast, and now they die so young…” How is
that a comfort to me?
They
shouldn’t have to die at all!
Death is
not a comfort, from what has been taken from me…
At least
they lived their lives.
I’ve
been plugged along, always trying to enjoy my life…
But
always I am in the wrong. For this.
No one
should be allowed to enjoy life anymore. That is the decree of those who have
been left desolate. By the saviors, by the heights, be damned!
And
when?
When
will it be my turn?
To turn
around and say, “This isn’t fair!!!” With
no one to deny me!?
When?
~CLynn
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