If it’s
one thing, I have come to know over all of my time living alone… it’s that… I’m
not the most dependable person in the world.
In
fact… I realize now… why former friends may have decided to not care, abandon
me in my time of need, walk away, and focus on other things…
But
what of loyalty? Does it not have a say in this? I feel like, even if a friend
isn’t always there for you, it’s not because they surely don’t want to be.
And if
you ask them, and they always say yes…. ?
Even if they don’t show up… does that not portray a measure of loyalty
to you?
I have
tried… striven… always to be a loyal friend.
But in
the end they always choose to toss aside.
In some
ways, I would not blame them…
I’m
not dependable. I’m only human.
I get
tired…
I get
weak…
I get
sick…
Surely…
a Valid reason…
Still…
To
thrust someone aside for being undependable…
Is
like…
Throwing
away a bag of potato chips… because one chip tasted funny.
Or
Tossing
away a whole bag of apples because one of them was bruised.
I would even go so far as to say,…
It be
like: Opening
a discarded box you found on the side of the road that’s clearly heavy with
goods… seeing one single broken bowel… and discarding the entire box… without
so much as peeking at the rest inside…
I feel
as though… people only see the bad in me. Because that is their first
impression. And clearly, I cannot change this.
I miss
one meeting, and I’m a self-centered boob who doesn’t give a damn. Without so
much as seeing my side of the story!
I’m
also beginning to feel as though…
Being Alone + Being Poor = Suffering
No matter how hard I try…
No
matter how many times I push myself…
It’s
NEVER… Ever… Going to be enough…
But
what most people DON’T realize… Is that there is a certain beauty to this
darkness… when the dark does come upon us, and the moon rises amidst the debt
of night.
I have
my flaws,. . . as does all mankind…
But
most will never know of the beauty of the night,… if they always choose to end
their day before the sun sets.
~ CLynn ~
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