i need you...

Within this tender…

Heart we find,

Bruised and beaten.

Left to die.

I feel the cold has left me now,

A numbness settles in this brow.

I need to feel this,

Something real…

But the numbness worse than death,

Won’t heal.

I’m carrying a weight right now. 

A heavy burden,

Great and how?

It’s buckled my knees,

And sent me to earth.

Blistering, burning, in a frozen north!

The ground below,

Which is frozen somehow…

Remains the coldest place to show.

And up above, rests like the dead.

A body strewn,

Like one torn red.

But nothing doth reside inside.

So this must be the death we hide from.

You fear the physical kind of sleep.

But I…

I fear…
The mental heap.

The staring blankly into space.

The distant noises,

Start to fade.

The world around us,

Growing black.

All this,

And yet,

You live!

The tingling, as you fight this,

The aching in your chest.

The dagger has caught within your throat.

You can feel there’s nothing left.

There’s nothing left to feel, so cold.

And what fire,
Burned this hole?

Because the crater that it left behind…

 We’ve come most unfortunate to find,

 This hollow empty shell of mind.

 -

~ 1/5/18

TiReD

                      So how long can a person continue to push themselves?

               I've been struggling with this thought now...    I slept most of the day again, because I stayed up late the night before baking and researching... My head is aching now...
                 And late... I take my medication...
             Late...

                             But I'm beginning to feel like, I am dragging this useless sack of dead weight around to get things done...
               What if I can't... I can't do this?
                                                 I can't go to school and... work... and maintain a relationship like this... . . . . and I'm losing my grip...
                I can feel this heavy load upon me... breaking me down... how much longer can you walk along a desert without any water?

                                    My world... God Bless This Mess... Lord Knows, We've tried Our Best, With something we can do...
                   But it just gets worse everyday... And I can't catch up. I can never catch up. Because I'm always tired. From studying, from work, from sickness...

                               Some days...
                 I just want to throw up my hands!
                                 Be done!
                                                       Be done....
                   God let this end, I need releif! I need some fun. I need to breathe! Please. Can I just breathe wihtout my chest weighing like a million pounds...

             And this...
                                      This writing helps... helps me to feel free... even temporarily... Get those feelings out. Express truly how you are feeling...

                     Exhausted...
                                                        And yet I do nothing!
Seems like.

                                 In my dreams... I am haunted by people telling me I'm lazy. That I sleep too much... God I'm soo tired!
                          Why am I soo tired!?
              Please... please... just let me rest... just let me be... a minute more.... until my head returns to normal view.
                                     And the work becomes not so hard to do...

                  But I know I am only fooling myself.
                                          And so I begin to hate... and the nightmares that never cease. Overtake me in my dreams!
                                    Causing me to wish I could just die!

               Believe what you will believe, and trust what you feel to be a lie.
                                     But judge no one!!

                 And don't EVER tell them they are lazy... even if they are...
                                           Don't ever... ever... push them back into their tombs.

               Because... there is always more to this iceberg... then meets the eye.

 

~ CLynn

~ SHUT 'EM DOWN! ~

       Even in darkness... Light shines...

                             Here is my latest victory ^_~:

                                     And as always... you can find it here:     Crystal Lynn's Professional Portfolio

. . . "Shut 'em Down"  - Celldweller

 

When listening,... it is mandatory to krank your speakers to maximum. This is in order to enjoy the epic sounds... of Celldweller... Your welcome. :-D

 

~ CLynn :3

The Paper. . .

👑

                  I am posting this here, so that everyone can see the paper I wrote... that sparked the response... that was truly beautiful.
Here was the response:

Week 4 Assignment - Audience and "I Believe...": Grade.
"Crystal, what a powerful piece of writing. That one work paragraph is perfect! You've done a superb job in this course, and I'm so glad you opted to take ENG099, because you've been a delight to work with. Go after your dreams - they were put in your heart for a reason! Thanks for working with me this mod. :-)"
                                                                                                                                 -x-  Karen Combs , Nov 25 at 4:19pm


And the paper... that inspired it... can now be found on my Professional Portfolio.

https://sites.google.com/view/crystallynns-portfolio/demonstrations-of-competencies


Once you read it... you will understand. . .


~ Crystal Lynn

"Controlling Beauty"

Controlling Beauty

(a poem)

When does a Rebel,

Lose their joy?

When does a bird,

 Lose it’s song?

When it is gilded and caged,

And told this is the way it has to be,

From now on.

When its wings are cut,

And it is forced never to fly again.

Then it’s joy,

Begins to fade.

And the night,

Becomes a cloudy day.

A pale autumn moon.

A star lit night.

The morning breezes,

The sun’s delight.

Fades into a clouded fog.

Of so this is,

And so this was.

Why for me,

They wish to control?

When I need freedom.

I need to fall.

I rarely break away from the norm.

So when I do,

Let this be my storm!

But into a bottle,

You try to keep it.

Trap the storm,

And try to seal it!

And I become,

Like a lifeless doll.

Like an empty shell,

A decoration upon a wall.

Not truly there,

But to look upon.

A wonder of creation.

Gone wrong.

When once was beauty,

In the air!

Floating,

Soaring,

Free without a care.

Then came the poachers,

To steal away,

Arrows flew,

And skies turned gray.

Please my heart,

Do not tie me down.

Do not cage me up,

Within a frown.

Do not push me into that damp dark box.

From where the wind,

Cannot touch.

From where the light of day doth only gleam.

And the light of a moon,

Is far away seem.

Do not force this structure,

Upon my world.

And kill the living things,

Below.

For what was once a perfect scene,

Becomes a trashy,

Wasted,

Latrine.

And no one comes,

Save for the roaches.

That live and die,

For death approaches.

And through their scurrying,

The only sound.

The sorrow,

Of a frozen ground.

A crack that lie there,

In the cement.

The only memory,

Of a beauty spent.

A truly vacant lot,
For rent.

~ 11-28-17

CLynn 😪

. . . I Think I'm in Love, But it Makes Me Kinda Nervous to Say So...

                   🎵"... I really think I better get a hold of myself. Don't want to let the night get ahead of myself. Whispering your love through a smoke ring smile, he doesn't know what happens when he's around..."🎶
                      

                           ~ CLynn -Reached!

Did You Know? . . . - Classical Music...

                    Did you know... that classical music isn't just great for studying to and helping one to think clearly when one is needing to come up with a unique and fresh idea for a topic/assignment?


                      It's also... an Anti-Depressant!

           How?

                                   For me,... the music seems to go... from sad. . . to cheery... It captures your sadness... and whisks it away. . .

Remember the music box?

❤

--

And after it takes away your sadness... you can focus more on getting things done.

This kind of music is more for... well. . . cleaning and working and working it out! (^_~*)

Stay Rowdy!

~ CLynn 👌👍🎵🎹🎶