Back to School...... of Hard Knocks

Ello, again.

Long time no hear from me, eh. The past couple days have been just insane! From the realization of my rapidly declining health, to the failed attempts to stabilize an emotional rollercoaster that has no end. I've been through a lot lately. I guess I'll start with my tummy.
Apparently all of that time I spent without running water back in Michigan when I couldn't always brush my teeth on a regular basis, has finally caught up with me. That and thanks to the lack of calcium intake and possible malnutrition from my new strict diet on food and lack of funds to afford to eat properly, has resulted in a massive occurrence in tooth decay! As a result, because I couldn't afford to get them fixed right away, the pain quickly overwhelmed me. Forcing me to take the only painkiller that I had at the time... Aspirin...

Between the aspirin, and my stress levels from struggling financially, and over the holidays, and struggling to keep my car running all without having a job and living on an extremely small fixed income.... My stomach developed some majorly serious ulcers. Which is what my gastro-doc has found after my scheduled upper endoscopy on wensday. 😷.
So it seems a number of things are causing my overall health to decline rapidly.

Now I am reluctantly paying for all of it. I'm only grateful to Jehovah God that I at least have my Aunts to help me through all of this.
I only wish that people could understand how quickly I become overwhelmed by all of this. I always feel like I just wasn't cut out for living alone. Like I need help, you know. Like I've been met with defeat. Or like I've failed as a human being.
But then... That could just be my depression getting the better of me. 🤒

So now I've most definitely got to get a job,... So that I can pay back my Aunt for helping me out. And helping me to get my pain filled tooth removed.
Also in case my car does decide to quit on me.
So that I can afford to keep the unfortunate spur of the moment promises that I've made, out of a heart filled with love and desire to give and hopefully get close to others... *sob.
To be able to make more of the meetings, so that I might be able to serve Jehovah again.😢. No matter what happens to me, no matter what happens in my life,... I can't give up... On my beliefs. My mother wouldn't have wanted me to. And I don't want to let her down.


~Crystal😿



(01-26-17)

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