Hai again,
I felt it important to make at least one post a day. To keep the blog going roughly.
And anyways, I forgot to mention in my last post about that emotional rollercoaster I was on.
You see the weekend before the Endoscopy procedure, I tried yet again to get a kitten/cat for a pet.
I will do my best to explain what happened with that. Probably similar to what occurred before.
I took little 3/4. week old Mr. Bigglesworth home with me on Friday of last weekend.
At first everything seemed fine, and it was alright. The kitten got along very well with me and seemed happy. He ate his food and drank his water/milk. He used his new litter box. And played happily with me. However, the next couple days, I began to notice a pattern developing.
Before I had gotten the kitten, I was already struggling with lack of sleep. I had been sleeping like a cat for practically a whole week, unfortunately. Getting about only two hours of sleep at a time. And then not being able to sleep for a couple of hours after that. So I would sleep often... But never enough to fight the growing fatigue and stress on my body.
This was no problem at all for the kitten. And I had figured since I was sleeping like a cat anyways, that taking care of the kitten would be fine.
How very wrong I was. 😿
I knew that at some point my body's overall fatigue, would overcome the regular routine of chronic insomnia. And that I would eventually be able to sleep a complete 7 to 8 hour night! And so as usual, I waited for that to happen.
Meanwhile, my anxiety was getting worse and worse due to the lack of sleep and worry that seemed to grow over my financial situation. I feared that if I was unable to sell my laptop, I would not be able to afford the pet deposit in order to keep the cat. 😬. And to top it off, my toothache was getting worse. I needed more money to get my tooth pulled and would not receive further help with that from my dental insurance until August.
I still needed to get my car registered and my electric bill was getting higher because of my continued failed attempts to take in a pet. I kept trying to make it easier for the little fuzzies to find the litter box, ect. Which wasn't helping my already skyrocketing light bill. 😟. Probably also due to the holidays, colder weather, ect.
Anyhow, getting back to the cat...
The kitten was on its own (apparently) strict schedule of sleeping two hours at a time. And then in between that, constant play time and demanding of my attention via mewing. Which was fine except for when I so desperately needed that extra sleep. For it seemed that the kitten would still want to play and get attention, while I would struggle to get some sleep. And he would be determined to keep me awake and demand attention. Locking him outside of the room was also not an option. *sigh* For this would only make him meow louder. Nonstop. So I simply could not get any sleep. Especially when I needed to.
As a result, it didn't take long for all of that built up anxiety to overwhelm me. Finally resulting in a massive panic attack. Or what I usually call an anxiety attack.
Now... An anxiety attack for me, is usually a complete and utter breakdown of overwhelming emotional stress. Basically I just lose the ability to function due to not being able to take the stress. And extreme fatigue begins to set in. Not allowing me to complete whatever task I may have been set out to do. The only way that I can really describe a basic panic attack is: Its a lot like having a sudden heart attack. It comes on rather suddenly and can sometimes feel like a heart attack. Hence the name. Its also kind of like being mortally terrified, without there being any reason to be scared. You're not sure why, but you fear the worst. And your body begins to go into a sort of panic mode. Some people sweat, shake, or cry a lot when it happens. Others might freak out completely. Or feel as if they are dying. I simply usually just break down and weep profusely. Until I can get myself to calm down. But I have also experienced much worser panic attacks.
Anyhow, that was what occurred. And after I had calmed myself down considerably, to where I could think clearly, I then decided that now was not a good time for me to have to take care of a kitten. It clearly proved to be too much for me. As it had proved to be before.
On Sunday. I contacted the lady I had gotten the cat from. I then returned the kitten to her care that evening.
As much as it felt like a supreme defeat, it also felt like a great relief. And allowed me to focus on preparing my small abode for my welcomed guest to lodge two days later...
So the emotional rollercoaster, was... Welcoming an adorable little furry friend into my home. Then breaking down. Having to return him. Feeling both depressed over it and yet relieved. And then after a finally decent nights sleep and a good meal, my emotional state returned to normal.
However, due to certain recent events. And bitter revelations, I have decided to break up that horrid constant waste of my time. Known as Facebook. At least, get further away from it for now. I've come to realize that I honestly hate it!!
"Damnit, Jim! I'm a writer, not a socialite!! "
~ Crystal😡
In Memorandum:
I felt it important to make at least one post a day. To keep the blog going roughly.
And anyways, I forgot to mention in my last post about that emotional rollercoaster I was on.
You see the weekend before the Endoscopy procedure, I tried yet again to get a kitten/cat for a pet.
I will do my best to explain what happened with that. Probably similar to what occurred before.
I took little 3/4. week old Mr. Bigglesworth home with me on Friday of last weekend.
At first everything seemed fine, and it was alright. The kitten got along very well with me and seemed happy. He ate his food and drank his water/milk. He used his new litter box. And played happily with me. However, the next couple days, I began to notice a pattern developing.
Before I had gotten the kitten, I was already struggling with lack of sleep. I had been sleeping like a cat for practically a whole week, unfortunately. Getting about only two hours of sleep at a time. And then not being able to sleep for a couple of hours after that. So I would sleep often... But never enough to fight the growing fatigue and stress on my body.
This was no problem at all for the kitten. And I had figured since I was sleeping like a cat anyways, that taking care of the kitten would be fine.
How very wrong I was. 😿
I knew that at some point my body's overall fatigue, would overcome the regular routine of chronic insomnia. And that I would eventually be able to sleep a complete 7 to 8 hour night! And so as usual, I waited for that to happen.
Meanwhile, my anxiety was getting worse and worse due to the lack of sleep and worry that seemed to grow over my financial situation. I feared that if I was unable to sell my laptop, I would not be able to afford the pet deposit in order to keep the cat. 😬. And to top it off, my toothache was getting worse. I needed more money to get my tooth pulled and would not receive further help with that from my dental insurance until August.
I still needed to get my car registered and my electric bill was getting higher because of my continued failed attempts to take in a pet. I kept trying to make it easier for the little fuzzies to find the litter box, ect. Which wasn't helping my already skyrocketing light bill. 😟. Probably also due to the holidays, colder weather, ect.
Anyhow, getting back to the cat...
The kitten was on its own (apparently) strict schedule of sleeping two hours at a time. And then in between that, constant play time and demanding of my attention via mewing. Which was fine except for when I so desperately needed that extra sleep. For it seemed that the kitten would still want to play and get attention, while I would struggle to get some sleep. And he would be determined to keep me awake and demand attention. Locking him outside of the room was also not an option. *sigh* For this would only make him meow louder. Nonstop. So I simply could not get any sleep. Especially when I needed to.
As a result, it didn't take long for all of that built up anxiety to overwhelm me. Finally resulting in a massive panic attack. Or what I usually call an anxiety attack.
Now... An anxiety attack for me, is usually a complete and utter breakdown of overwhelming emotional stress. Basically I just lose the ability to function due to not being able to take the stress. And extreme fatigue begins to set in. Not allowing me to complete whatever task I may have been set out to do. The only way that I can really describe a basic panic attack is: Its a lot like having a sudden heart attack. It comes on rather suddenly and can sometimes feel like a heart attack. Hence the name. Its also kind of like being mortally terrified, without there being any reason to be scared. You're not sure why, but you fear the worst. And your body begins to go into a sort of panic mode. Some people sweat, shake, or cry a lot when it happens. Others might freak out completely. Or feel as if they are dying. I simply usually just break down and weep profusely. Until I can get myself to calm down. But I have also experienced much worser panic attacks.
Anyhow, that was what occurred. And after I had calmed myself down considerably, to where I could think clearly, I then decided that now was not a good time for me to have to take care of a kitten. It clearly proved to be too much for me. As it had proved to be before.
On Sunday. I contacted the lady I had gotten the cat from. I then returned the kitten to her care that evening.
As much as it felt like a supreme defeat, it also felt like a great relief. And allowed me to focus on preparing my small abode for my welcomed guest to lodge two days later...
So the emotional rollercoaster, was... Welcoming an adorable little furry friend into my home. Then breaking down. Having to return him. Feeling both depressed over it and yet relieved. And then after a finally decent nights sleep and a good meal, my emotional state returned to normal.
However, due to certain recent events. And bitter revelations, I have decided to break up that horrid constant waste of my time. Known as Facebook. At least, get further away from it for now. I've come to realize that I honestly hate it!!
"Damnit, Jim! I'm a writer, not a socialite!! "
~ Crystal😡
In Memorandum:
posted from Bloggeroid
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