Ain't That The Truth...

             


                      🎶 . . . . You'd think I'd learn by now... There's never an easy way...🎵

                                I'm sorry I've been neglecting my blog lately. -_-   Haven't been feeling the greatest. Rather sad to say the least. Plus been busy paying bills. I really do hate payday.
               If only... I wasn't such a girl... These mood swings... have got to stop!

              This song really expresses my feelings. I'm always begging God. For... some... . . . . . kind... of something... . . . . . I just... I'm too afraid to... even try anymore.
                                    But I guess it really doesn't matter in the long run.
               God's got his plans. He'll straighten everything out. I'm sure....
                                     Not knowing, though... or... knowing... doesn't change a thing.

                                      I just wish... I could find some comfort. You know? For having to be left alone... for having to... do what I've had to do. 😢

                   When your heart is soo fragile. And it's always bursting and breaking... . . . . the only way you can gain control sometimes... is through... complete avoidance.

                 Trouble is...
                                           I never wanted to leave.

                    And if it kills me... I WILL RETURN! I will...

                 When my heart is strong...
                                   Everytime, I look into the mirror, I wonder... Because I look like someone who is dying. Will they ever find out what's wrong with me in time? And... How much time do I have left?
                                  It's possible I'm fine. But to look this ill... I often wonder....


                   I also feel like,... I just want to be happy. Live happy. Be joyful. And gay. And sing. And dance... and...  But it's almost like.... it's wrong somehow. Like I'm not supposed to be that way. And it's like I've got this sickness down inside of me... way deep deep down... that... just... I don't know. I don't think I will ever come to fully understand it.

                                   Being responsible sucks. (-_-,)    I just want to go out! And have fun! I'm tired of just... existing... surviving... I want to go on an adventure! I want to dance with a handsome guy! And . . . i don't know... LIVE!!            But I also want to return to my humble cozy home, when it's all over... sleep soundly in my bed. Knowing... that I... that I... went the distance. So I can rest... now.

                  What good is beauty... if you can't share it?

                     Even as I am surrounded by it...
                                           It just... doesn't seem fair.


                                                                                                  ~ Crystal LM 😴😔🚫